Thursday, June 4, 2015

Cruisin'

This year, Stephanie’s Easter Break was the week after Easter, Dad finally gained enough seniority where he took a week’s vacation the week after Easter, & Mom worked enough to earn a week’s vacation. Therefore, from April 6-10, 2015, the Kristl family went on a cruise. Ridiculously early Monday morning we flew out of O’Hare & landed into Miami. After catching a taxi, we handed our luggage to the Norwegian Cruise Line staff & prepared to board. The neat part about the preparations was the use of technology. The staff took our picture, imported our passport information, put a valid credit card, & later a sticker signifying which beverage package we had, all onto a credit card. We were told to carry the card with us at all times & not to bring our passports to the different port cities.

We boarded the ship & the feasting began. It has been determined I will never get fat in life because my goodness, did I eat on the cruise, & I did not get fat. While we boarded the ship shortly after noon, the ship did not leave Miami until around 5 pm. Mom, Dad, & Stephanie napped while I wandered & after an evacuation training session, we all wore t-shirts & shorts & chilled by the pool. Unfortunately, the pools were saltwater & while they were drained & sanitized every night (good!), as a result they were cold. Just as we departed from Miami, we saw two rainbows. One of our left-hand side & another on the right-hand side. What lied straight in front of us was an afternoon Florida rain. And just as quickly as the heavens opened, the 2400 guests scattered. After changing back in our room, we ate dinner, & then at the Stardust Theater we saw the opening night entertainment. Dancers performed, proclaiming the greatness of vacationing & cruising. The main staff was introduced, each performing their own little happy dance to a different tune. When the Swedish captain danced, & he had himself a good time on the cruise, I leaned over to Dad & asked, “If the captain’s here, who’s driving this thing?” Following the entertaining introductions, comedian Andrew Kennedy came onstage. Not only was he hilarious, but also at one point the ship substantially rocked. He even shifted from one position to the other. He commented that was the ship not him, he would be enjoying adult beverages later. Besides he pointed out, those who were the most inebriated walked the straightest! The dancers concluded the show with yet another dance, exciting the guests for what lay ahead.

Tuesday morning began bright & early, or at least one of those. The previous night Mom set the alarm on her phone so we could get up, get ready, & make it to our excursion on time. For some reason, Stephanie says the time zone changes but I do not know, her alarm went off not at the proper time but early. As in Dad checked his watch which said 4 am, they all dressed, Dad looked outside, came back in the room, & said, “Wake me up in three hours, it’s 4 am.” Mom doubted him, doubled check, figured to set a timer instead of an alarm on her phone, & died of laughter-she would not get quiet. I barely woke up, went to the bathroom, sat on the bed when Dad returned, & eagerly passed out upon the discovery. They all love to tell the story.

Three hours later we awoke with the good mornings. What I mean to say is when we grabbed breakfast at the dining hall, & I mean grab as in grab by the plates, not the amount of food. For breakfast, load up on the bacon & grab a loaf of French toast. When we entered the dining hall, all the staff repeatedly said good morning, as if they received a ten-cent bonus every time they said it. Naturally, as soon as Dad realized it annoyed us, the morning person he is joined the annoyance. We left the ship & prepared for our excursion, a tour of Grand Bahama Island, with the ship docked at Freeport. The bus arrived late though, so the woman in charge (Vanessa I believe was her name so I am referring to her as that), said everyone who could drink (liquor not water you drunkards) would receive a free drink at the beach.

Captain Dwayne, the bus driver, was awesome, Bahamian-style man. For instance, when we went to the beach, he stressed the importance of sun block. Because, as he said, he was a young rich white New Yorker when he arrived, look at him now haha! Interestingly, there are 200 islands in the Bahamas. Only 70 of them are inhabitable. So, Captain Dwayne called his family & told them let’s keep the islands in the family. Therefore, he called his cousins Johnny Depp, Tim McGraw, Nicholas Cage, Sean Connery, & most importantly, his sister Shakira, & told them to lease the islands, with Captain Dwayne getting the preferential treatment on the islands man. Captain Dwayne also supported tourists, namely us, spending money on the islands. The only activity he encouraged us to do on the ship was gamble; showing our winnings to Captain Dwayne & he’d take care of us man. Additionally, financially, he encouraged us to try the local food, not KFC as all it keeps Bahamians from cooking nor Subway as it’s too healthy for us man. Lastly, as we arrived at the beach, he told us the drinking age was 12… for water. For everything else in the Bahamas man, the age is 18.

The tour began with a stop at a nature center, like Sandridge Nature Center. Vanessa walked us around & showed us multiple different plants & she educated us about them. Interestingly, Bahamians strongly believe in the medicinal purposes of the plants. The other neat part is the tree the Bahamians used for lumber unfortunately grew back too slowly, and therefore they no longer use the tree for lumber. Next, we traveled to a Baptist cathedral which contains 89 stained glass windows. More than 90% of Bahamians are Christian, with the top three denominations being Baptist, Catholic, & Anglican. Obviously, I am not Baptist but the cathedral was beautiful & the woman who gave us a speech about the parish showed strong passion. The next stop was where turtles were. Vanessa told us to come to the lower pier & stomp & make noise. Turtles, she told us, are attracted to the noise, & sure enough when we made noise, at least a dozen full-grown turtles surfaced. Afterwards, we went to the beach. While I am not a beach person, the view was still that people see on postcards. I drank a Sands beer, which reminded me of Corona, & including the three free drinks, we had five Bahama Mamas. After eating lunch, we were all tired, but our tour did not end quite yet. Captain Dwayne said the women were taking the men’s money & going shopping, the men were going to the bars. We purchased a few small items, the tour ended, & we returned to the ship.

The next morning our ship arrived in Nassau. We again signed up for a tour of the islands, & while our bus driver was good, because Captain Dwayne set the bar so high, it was not nearly as enjoyable. It was driving & simply looking. To the bus driver’s credit, he took us on a view of the whole island, showing the rich, the poor, & everything in the middle. Sadly, as quickly as we saw the rich fancy homes, we would turn & see the slums. Apparently, Nassau is known for its Atlantis resort, & while I admit the resort looked breathtaking, the resort is designed so that guests never have to leave the resort & see the poverty of the islands. The highlight of the Nassau tour was the rum distillery. Literally, there is a rum distillery that sells on the island; you cannot find it at Binny’s Beverage Depot. Personally, the rum sample I received tasted good. That evening we had a dinner at one of the more upscale yet still complimentary restaurants, & afterwards we saw Andrew Kennedy again. Hilarious does not adequately describe how funny he was.

The last day of the cruise, the ship sailed to Grand Stirrup Cay, Norwegian’s private island. Apparently, all the major cruise lines own an island, but according to several people, Norwegian Cruise Line has the largest. Now because this is a private island, the shore was not dug out, and therefore the cruise ship did not bring us to shore. Instead, we boarded a smaller boat, with occupancy of only 250-350 people, and it brought us to shore. Our excursion that day was a marine lifeboat eco-tour. We boarded a pontoon, and the four guides each gave each other nicknames. One guide said if we saw something in the ocean we wanted to see, tell them & Mugger will go get it. So, there we were sailing along & someone spotted a sponge like creature. Splash! In went Mugger! I kid you not. Numerous times he jumped in to retrieve some creature, & the other guides did a fabulous job explaining what the creatures were. When people were done holding them, taking pictures, & the guides thoroughly covered the creature, the guides tossed them back in the water. Starfish were cool to hold. Towards the end of the eco-tour, not terribly far from shore, the guides pointed out an animal several feet away. As we got closer, they told us, which we saw, it was a 10+ foot hammerhead shark! I kid you not. Being the caring people, we are, we said Mugger go get it. Of course, he declined. One guest then walked up to him & said, “I know you’ll need help. After all, it is a big animal. I’ll jump in with you & we’ll put it in the boat,” to which Mugger responded, “You take the front & I’ll take the back!” Haha, so, the hammerhead shark stayed in the ocean. The eco-tour was way worth the money.

The great part about being on Norwegian’s private island was that the items you received complimentarily on the ship, you did so on the island. Therefore, lunch & pop were free. While Dad & Stephanie parasailed, I cooked my skin into that of a red lobster, or in some spots, I was redder than a red lobster. Dad & Stephanie easily turn burns into tans. Mom & I just burn. And hurt. Mainly hurt. I reiterate the notion that sunscreen works… when you apply it… & only to the areas where you apply it. Around 3 pm, we boarded the ship that brought us back to the cruise ship, & while everyone else went back to the room to relax, I swam in the pool, as even though it was cold & saltwater, it felt refreshing. Perhaps the cold negated the scorching feeling of my skin.

That evening we went for a nice dinner at one of their complimentary restaurants. We all tried different desserts, & while they all looked fabulous, Stephanie’s tasted terrible! Everyone else’s tasted exquisite. Friday morning the ship arrived in Miami & reality returned… well, sort of. We caught a cab & it took us to one of the nice hotels on South Beach in Miami. We dropped off our stuff & caught another taxi to take us around to the shops. Being tourists in Miami, where did we eat lunch? McDonalds of course. Mostly because we were all tired, wanting to relax & eat. We returned & went to the pool. Yes, after cooking myself to a well-done crisp, I applied sunscreen all over. Then jumped in the pool. That evening we went to dinner at a nice restaurant across the street. The following morning, we went to the airport & came home, exhausted, burnt, probably several pounds heavier, with some souvenirs, good memories, & returned to colder weather.

Final thoughts. No, I would not do a cruise again. Yes, it was fun. I am not denying that. For a one-time occurrence. I am not, nor will I ever be, a beach bum. The pool in our backyard is fine thank you. The food was terrific & abundant. It was great not having to pay for the massive amounts of pop I drank. However, I would like to do other things. I have a goal of visiting every MLB stadium. I loved seeing the history in Philadelphia & eating my way through the good cheesesteak restaurants. I am thankful I had the experience of going on a cruise with my family. Overall, to each their own, but that is my story. Cruisin’.